Drivers in Bangalore

Truck Drivers: You usually don't get to see them directly because they sit somewhere at an altitude. You can however identify the cabin crew by a frantically waving hand on the non-driver side. This hand belongs to a crew-member called 'cleaner' and all scholastic efforts till date have failed to decipher the symbolic meaning of these waving. It is however Safe to assume that these waving mean 'stay away'. Fortunately the trucks are prohibited from the arterial roads. But you can see them racing each other at 30 kmph and 31 kmph on the ring road. They successfully block the whole width of the road. It is advised that you take them over from left (yes, the wrong side) for, they wont let you pass from the right side anyway. The other advice is to keep away from them.

BMTC Drivers: You can see them from a mile away from the distinguishing color and driving. It can be very dangerous and frustrating to follow a BMTC bus. The bus follows Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and at any instance you can not predict the speed AND the position correctly. One observation that might help the reader is that they always keep right between bus stops and move to left (well, almost) at bus stops. This is the apt opportunity for you to take the bus over and go stuck behind the next one. The drivers can be seen although mostly through the bus's rear view mirror. If you happen to see them directly through their window, be prepared to listen to advice for having taken them over in a dangerous fashion. While a normal bus can easily create a road block on any given road, there are special capacity joint-buses (called janti vaahana) which have an uncanny power of blocking up to 3 roads at a time at a junction.

Cab Drivers: Characterized by red eyes, irritable nature, unkempt facial hair, constant honking even at stationary object! They always try to go at 80 kmph, assume the urgency of an ambulance and expect everyone else has less important job. Most of them do not sleep for days together and some of them are trying to compete with David Blaine for stretching human limits. The author personally knows few cab drivers who do not have a habitat. They just keep a pair of spare uniform in the cab, eat sleep in the cab and use public bathrooms. Driving style of these indicates that many of them were auto rickshaw driver earlier. However, they still seem to carry the self image of an auto rickshaw and try to squeeze a MUV into the 1 meter gap between any two objects.

Car Drivers: Characterized by creased foreheads. Having paid through their noses and fighting to pay the EMI, they are obsessive about their cars and want to make sure nobody bumps/scratches their car body. This sits on the mind perpetually and causes those creases on foreheads. Most pitiable class of drivers having the most to lose from the mistakes of other classes of drivers.

Auto Rickshaw Drivers: Having stood over years as undisputed symbol for rash driving, they are unfortunately losing grounds to cab drivers. (Unfortunate because a rashly driven MUV is more dangerous than a rashly driven auto rickshaw). Auto rickshaws are the vehicles with most diverse speed ranges. They travel at speeds approaching zero when they have no passengers aboard and travel at speed of unto 3x108 m/s when a passenger is aboard. Analogous to the belief that "a cat can pass through any hole that is bigger than its skull" auto rickshaws can "pass through any gap that is wider than the headlight". They defy all laws of Physics. A typical auto driver sits with a calm and indifferent attitude of a formula-1 driver just before the race. Based on his age, he is a Rajkumar/Shankarnag/Darshan fan. He feels strongly towards these actors and towards Karnataka and Kannada. In a surprising observation, many auto drivers refuse 1.5 times the meter reading after 10 PM if you are exiting from Ranga Shankara*. This is their humble way of commemorating their favorite star who made films like Auto-Raja.
* Ranga Shankara is a theater built in memory of late Shankar Nag and it is the place where all new dramas are staged first

Two Wheeler Drives: The class in the most advantageous position. They consist of a variety of sub-populations like office goers, salesmen, mothers dropping children to school, college students, neighborhood store owner transporting about 1 ton weight on a moped, whole families of 4-5 children going on an outing etc. They usually mind their own business and do not cause inconvenience to other types of vehicles. They use all possible space on and around the road, including footpaths, medians, drainages, staircases etc and thus enhance infrastructure utilization .

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Some Mallu Jokes :)

Hi All, Now the time for some Mallu jokes.. No Offence meant to any individual. :)
Just some harmless jokes. :)


1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto

11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? "
Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of kokanet oil.

19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.

20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones....

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